'Paedestrian, will you be my father?'

When she asked me, I was only 17 and was soon heading off to college. I had to say "no", and it crushed me.

That was more than half my life ago, and thinking of it still brings a tear to my eye. I loved her as if she were my own, but a 17 year old heading off to college is not the father a 4 year old needs. She had already been abandoned by one father; I couldn't be the second.

I told her that I could be her "big brother" and that meant I loved her and would care for her as much as I could, but I couldn't live with her, and would soon be off to college. She understood and accepted my explanation gracefully, but I could tell that her disappointment was as deep as my sorrow.

She has become a beautiful young woman, and I still love her as if she were my first daughter. In so many ways she was.

-----------
Paedestrian