If anything, my horizons arecontracting

if that is a suitable opposite to expanding. A long post to answer a short comment :P

My AoA is a bit strange, although I know some people here share my disposition. As I was coming to grips with my sexual orientation a few years ago, I was pretty mixed in my AoA. Ill share a few anecdotes from my past. You can skip them if you want, but I think they will to help you to understand how things progressed with me. The last paragraph discusses my AoA more fully.

I have always been attracted to younger girls (5-10). I have memories of watching a movie with a friend and cuddling with his 6-year-old sister. This was in the 8th grade. I enjoyed it of course, and I was young enough that I didnt see anything socially unacceptable about my actions.

In high school, I was attracted to girls of my age as well as younger girls.I dated a girl who was younger than me by a year and a half, and I stayed in a relationship with her for just over two years. In the time that I was with her, I got to be very close with her family. I even went to stay with them for over a month after she moved away (which eventually ended the relationship). While I was dating this girl, I secretly had a crush on her younger sister (aged 10-12 in the time I knew her). I never acted on it of course. First, I loved the girl I was with, and second, there was no way anything functional would have come of it. Something small must have shown through though, because my girlfriend became jealous of her sister on a couple occasions. By this time in my life, I had realized there was something decidedly weird about me.

One of my favorite memories happened later on in high school. I was with my two best friends at McDonalds when a bus full of young girls arrived. In a typical immature high school tone, one of my friends asked, Heh, have you ever noticed that some little girls can actually be sort of hot? Yeah, my other friend agreed. I threw in my own, yeah, and looked around the room. Its weird how normal the conversation seemed at the time because, reflecting back, I cant believe it happened. After that small bit of conversation, we began to point out the little girls we found most attractive. This stopped abruptly when we noticed an elderly woman in the booth next to us who had overheard our conversation. She was sending us a death glare, so we quickly left. It was two years later before I brought it up again, and though we all remembered it, we all vehemently denied taking an active role. They are still my two best friends to this day, but I dont think either of them is a pedophile. I have, of course, tried to steer conversations in that direction, and I have received zero positive feedback. I guess it was just a random blip. It demonstrates how pervasive mild pedophilia can be before society takes control and stomps it out of people.

It wasnt until I was in my late teens and early twenties that I came to grips with the fact that I was a full-blown pedophile. At first I was horrified, but then I found GC, and things became decidedly better. When I first posted here, I stated that my AoA had a young mean with a very large standard deviation. By this, I meant I was mostly attracted to young girls, but I sometimes found myself attracted to girls in their teens, or rarely even in a girl her twenties. Since then, I think I have become markedly more preferential toward young girls. I have not noticed any attraction to adult women in the last couple of years, and teens will very rarely catch my eye. With that, I would say my AoA is sitting comfortably at 5-11 with the occasional young teen thrown in there for good measure. It is for this reason that I call myself a pedophile and not a hebephile. It has been a long journey getting to know and understand myself, but now that I do, I think I will stay firmly planted where I am.

~The Captain~

If anything, my horizons are contracting

If anything, my horizons arecontracting