Re: etc

you talk as if you are nothing without your "Joy"
These words hurt a bit, probably because they are true. I do however recognize that my negative feelings are temporary.

I do not think if she had not been the girl to make me realize my own ped-ness, (a part of my identity that has grown with her), then it would not have been so unsettling when she was 'gone'. So I do need to work on defining myself again, as I had done prior to meeting her, and prior to ever thinking I was a ped.

But that most recent 2 year journey I have taken where I have explored myself, and learned about myself (my orientation); it has been something that has naturally been intertwined with the girls in my life. As defining myself as a lover of young girls, much of what I find meaningful in life is them, comes from them, happens when I am with them, and so on, so I can't imagine it not this way?

Is that what you are talking about when you say,
"you may want to work on defining yourself, rather than relying on another person to give meaning to your life."
?

Indeed I respect she is not in a role to 'take care of me', nor for me to lean on. But she does encapsulate so much of what I love about girls like her, and it is their perspective on life that I personally appreciate to a high degree.