sensually consensual

I was in a position of authority over her. I asked, she did. Occasionally, she asked and I did. Consensual? Yes and no; would a child ever have the will to say no to an adult? Did I take advantage of her? Yes. For that, I am deeply embarrassed, self-loathing, suicidal at one time. Did I force anything? No. I simply asked and she did. Did she ever say no? Of course and I respected it. Did I ever threaten? Never. Get angry? Never. Even when she did something normal that I should have gotten authoritative, I did not. I could not. She knew that and used it on me.

That, Trucker, is reprehensible. All of it. It is a memory of myself that I hate. I should have never asked. It is why I agreed to be arrested and go to prison. (I could have left prison many times -- military background -- but I chose not to. I knew I was wrong and accepted my punishment: societal segregation.)

The only saving grace is that, today, I do not involve myself with the objects of my craving.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.