Re: Free your mind and yourself

No, as I have said before, it does not matter to me (directly) what other people think or say about me.

Taking advantage of her was by MY standards. I am not talking about pleasuring her. For that, I have no guilt. Should it not cause her any harm (socially) then I'd do it again. But it would. So I don't even consider it any more.

No, I don't blame her for using my weakness against me.

No, she did not "snitch" on me. I had always told her, should her mother ask about our encounters, to tell the truth. Often, she did. One day, a neighbor's girl "A" and sister "J", my partner "S", my partner's brother (also "S" call him "S2", whew, a crowd!) were all discussing "A"'s encounters with me. "S" related her encounters and, as the crowd was discussing it, Neighbor overheard. Cops called, everyone chatted up a storm. "J" made up her own story to be included in on the fun and attention. So, no, nobody young "snitched on me." Neighbor had a sort of financial relationship with me: I was spending lots of money on the crowd and Neighbor was getting some spin-off from it. Initially, when I first moved into the neighborhood, she had thrown herself at me, then 15yo daughter, but I was immune. But when "A" and "J" walked in and drew my attention, well... Anyway, months later, I was in the process of moving back in with my wife and Neighbor knew her source of spin-off money would be drying up. Her response was to jab a knife into my back.

C'est la vie. Past.

I don't hate myself for pleasuring "S". She loved it and I loved it. I hate myself for asking "S" to demean herself for me. (For the sake of discussion, I asked her to dance provocatively for me. In reality, yes, it was demeaning. Not harmful, but certainly not something that "S" would do of her own volition on a daily basis.)

I don't feel bad about myself because of what society says or thinks about me. I feel bad because of what I think about me. The line I crossed was my own line.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.