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To be fair

Posted by rainbowloom on Saturday, January 27 2018 at 00:45:19AM
In reply to True. [nt] posted by rainbowloom on Friday, January 26 2018 at 11:42:26PM

I am going through a lot of family bullshit right now.

I wasn't really intending for it to get so nasty bro until you called me stupid straight to my face.

I don't have a problem with you, just call it like I see it - you know what I mean? I seem to catch a lot of shit from certain people every so often who complain about the way I see things or imagine the way that my life went and say they wish they could be so fortunate or even imply that I don't see how fortunate I am. I do understand that perspective, but the grass is always greener on the other side - everyone pays for their decisions in a different way.

I'm out to my family and my friends and yes, that's nice not having to hide it, and it's nice to have a tween girl agree to date me, for what that is. (Though I've said this many, many times and I'll say it many more: that really doesn't have anywhere near the implications of a relationship between two adults; it isn't a completely different thing but it is a different thing, and your expectations should be completely tailored to the specific girl). But realize still that this situation - within the context of this society - has its own set of problems. Being as open and honest about it as possible, giving someone that amount of confidence, is akin to putting your life in their hands. You think your life is information politics? I think about information politics 24/7, tripping over which motherfucker is going to stab me in the back when I least expect it. I have to think that way about my own friends and family. Because with the amount of people who have that essential power over me, and could theoretically put that into play at any time . . . it's within the conceivable realm that one of them might, I don't know, start thinking too much about my relationship, hear the wrong thing on the news, and decide to accuse me of child abuse?

I have mad panic attacks. My psychological stress levels are insane. And there's no way anyone can put a stop to that, ever, despite how hard they may try or how much they may claim to want to. Just let me have my fucking drugs, don't fuck things up for me over the one relationship in my life that keeps me sane, the one person I genuinely trust to have MY best interests at heart - like actually - and let me live out my life in peace, and I'll end it whenever I fucking choose.

Everyone knows is not necessarily better right now. But everyone who joins the club makes it a little tiny bit easier on me.

I understand the depression on both sides.

As a product of the events of my life to this point, I have undergone many phases of introspection. At times, becoming absorbed in spirituality has been the only way for me to find a way to make sense. Thus, I find your (GL_in_lyrics') way of painting reality to be fundamentally off-putting because - literally, statistically - it is dissing all people who are very intelligent but of an alternative ideological or philosophical "ilk".

I found this argument to be reflecting of ignorance that there exist "enlightened" practitioners of various theologies.

When you (GL_in_lyrics) took on a condescending character towards me based on your perception that the vigor and "cleverness" with which I defended non-atheist philosophies in general made me a dumber man, that switch was crystal-clear. And, given the stress I've been under lately - thanks to my own decisions, of course, but it's not like there's a choice in the matter now, and although I personally wouldn't choose differently it's still fucking me up - I wonder if you could forgive me for taking offense and then running with the confrontation.

As Baldur said we have a lot more in common than we don't, and I don't think you're a bad dude, so as long as we can agree to respect any differences we may have in the future, let's just leave any leftover pettiness in the past where it belongs.


~ r a i n b o w l o o m

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