... you're a strong person, stronger than you may think, and she would not want you to be destroyed because of your love for her. Imagine, my friend, what it would do to her if she should find out something happened to you because you dared to love her. She doesn't need that, the MAP community that admires you so much doesn't need that, and the many people who love you outside the community do not need that.
Here is a harsh thing I think I do need to tell you, my friend. Please listen and take it to heart, even if right now your heart is hurting too much to accept it (to which I fully understand; I've been there myself all too often).
We cannot rely on having any one particular person in our life in order to be happy or sane. Life is too full of unpredictable factors for that. As wonderful as love is, the most important form of it we can ever have is self-love. That may have been the most important lesson I've ever learned in my entire life. No exaggeration there.
No one should ever have go it alone, but we must always strive to make do with whom we do have in our lives, and who we can have in our lives at any given time. Like it or not, life is never going to be 100% under our control, and will always have its share of monkey wrenches to throw at us. And for people in the Kind community living in this era, that unfortunately counts triple.
Please also remember this, because it's very important: You could never be truly good for her, or anyone else, unless you were good on your own. It's fully understandable that you are not good on your own right now, but it's important to get there again. Will it be easy? No, absolutely not, and it's much easier said than done. But, my friend, the path you chose was a difficult one to begin with, fraught with peril. If you had the courage to choose that path, than I'm fully confident you have the courage and strength to endure the hardships along the road and get past each one eventually. It may not seem that way at times, but time can heal all wounds if we hang in there long enough to allow it to.
I know that society in general really sucks for doing this to you and her. But you are still not alone. Society at large cannot take your feelings and heart from you, and there will always be those who support you.