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Making progress

Posted by Balto on Sunday, March 04 2018 at 6:50:52PM

Standing my ground was the right thing to do.

I've spoken with some family members; my father has relaxed his positions on some things but he is much more moderate than most of them to begin with.

Her mother has relaxed from her knee-jerk reaction and claims to still love me and that nobody really knows a good way to handle the situation.

There will in all likelihood not be police investigation or a restraining order so long as I agree to avoid contacting her against her parents' wishes. When she gets older (I pitched three years), if she still hasn't heard from me with no explanation, I will have to either reopen the discussion asking for the situation to be reassessed based on her increased maturity or, if I think it is unlikely that will lead to any change, I will set about contacting her on my own, and I assume that she will by that time have the freedom to accept my contact fairly securely.

The general consensus is that my relationship with Her went too far and it was my responsibility to "back off" sooner, and that the relationship is now unhealthy because of the romantic feelings that evolved recently.

I maintain that considering Her attachment to me, "backing off" would have meant pushing her away at a time when she was in need of support, and that I was not therefore in a position to do so. I also disagree about the relationship not being healthy for her, but ultimately that is not up to me.

Their desire is for the "split-loyalty" dilemma to be eliminated - and, to some extent, I have already done so by bringing the situation out into the open and opening a dialogue about it.

I will not, however, participate in the manipulation of her by adults, and I am still fundamentally "on her side" before theirs.

I stand by the decision to make others aware of the growing romantic feelings and allow them to figure out what's best for her. But. . . .

They are still not acknowledging that Her view has to be taken into account, and that is strictly based on her age at the present time.

For the time being, I will respect that her parents have the ultimate authority to allow or disallow their daughter to maintain contact with me, and that their perspective is of utmost concern. In due time, and as conversations open up with various other adults, I expect there will be a resolution for our relationship to continue under supervision.

If not, then I will follow through with my decision to contact Her to be sure that She knows that the separation was not her fault, and that I am still always here for Her no matter what.

But I am actually beginning to think that it won't be necessary, to be honest.

Any romantic relationship will not be officially acknowledged for quite some time, but . . . whatever was there will still be there when we next meet. And we will meet again. Whether I have to wait for Her freedom for it to be safe or whether the adults in Her life come around to the position that cutting me out of the picture is not for the best, we will meet again.

I see now that my intuition was correct, and that my actions were the best course - both for Her safety and welfare and my own - as well as the best possible path with the least amount of turbulence for us to be together eventually if She so chooses.

It is not easy to navigate, but I am strong enough and so is She.

~ Balto

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