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Necessary self-assessment

Posted by Balto on Saturday, March 10 2018 at 06:39:35AM

If it is then it is. Sometimes it's better that even if it is, you don't say it is, and that's especially the case with kids. That it is because your lives are together at that moment is different than saying it is and starting a new life together, not to imply that the one necessarily leads into the other. But there comes a point when you know it is even without ever having said it, and then you end up in a dangerous spot.

My action upon knowing it is was ultimately to out my concerns about her parents' way of dealing with her, and any pending concerns remaining that I needed to express knowing I might be cut off, and then out my relationship to those closest to me and ask them what to do about it, then handle whatever the fallout would be from that, which in this case happened to involve outing the relationship to her parents, resulting in a scenario where she and I are separated and the parents are in control but I can safely advocate for a situational change from a distance while I wait for her to become more prepared to advocate for herself or just take action. Her Mom threatened to call the cops if I advanced which is putting us in a temporary stalemate. (Figures she would do that.)


stayed honest with myself and others

learned to communicate better

got a lot smarter

got a lot better at music

perhaps inspired her artistically

was able to make so many wonderful memories that I'll always have

established self to her as a contender

left her with a ton of well-taught lessons about romantic relationships - she was able to "test the waters" with someone she trusts

her parents don't seem to want to know too many specifics and acknowledge that I would never harm a hair on her head; I count this as a win even though only one of them has acknowledged by one parent and not the other (the other still loves me apparently so is just acting like I'm dead to her because I guess the situation's too sensitive)

was able to adequately present my point of view to her parents, even if they choose to disagree

did not criminalize the relationship and avoided "dragging her into" an illegal situation

there may have been ups and downs to the romantic part but the rest stayed solid all the way through, as it rightfully should

provided true friendship, emotional support, encouragement, and confidence

had joyful times throughout

had experiences together that will stick with me for life

was able to be a lot of things to her when she needed them at a given time

was inspired by her artistically (all of my new songs are fundamentally about her)

still have enough friends to end up with somewhere to stay comfortably and recuperate

still have friends

still have a significant shot with "the girl" in the long run (I was "the boy" when we first met)

still tentatively have her respect and friendship in the future


relationship on semi-permanent hiatus (parents are breaking us up and they aren't even gonna offer the courtesy of telling her - or at least that's what they said initially, I don't even know)

was unable to prevent certain people from losing respect for me despite how I was able to handle the situation fairly well (just not the stress of my actions, which is its own problem)

was semi-disowned by my father

was unable to make her voice heard (I mean open up a space for that to possibly happen, not that she necessarily wants it to happen)

was unable to positively influence others' respect for girls enough for them to allow her to have a say in who gets to disappear from her life

will now be unable to be there for her in some of her potentially most trying years, except maybe if she seeks me out (which is a possibility)

All in all, I could've done a lot worse with this.

~ Balto

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