This is a paradox, but what can I do?

I want to be closer to Rroma, but she is being cold.

Cousin wants to be closer to me, but even though I know she does need me, she burned so many bridges before, a period spanning years, that I'm not anymore enthusiastic about her as a friend (much less a partner).

Teen Girl wants to be closer to me, and I do want to help her, but at the same time, there's little I can do to be what she needs. And the more I invest in her, the harder it will be to be able to help her sisters (and now, cousins and nieces).

Raccoon wants to be stable in our relationship. Not closer generally, but not falling apart either. But she still swings back and forth between an awesome girl I once fell for, and a girl I wouldn't want in my life despite how sexy she can be. I don't want her anymore as a partner; but she makes hard even to be friends. And yet, when she is good, I do want a deep friendship with her.

Thatcher wants to be closer. I want to be closer. But it's a little harder than we would like to be close; both logistically and emotionally.

Gaga has been hard to reach. I will have to find ways to correct that. And the sooner the better. Not least, because I promised her I'd take her and her cousin out, and I do want an outing with her cousin.

The newbie girl remains very nice, but I need to be more constant for her.

The more peripheral girls, Rroma's niece, Gunner's friends, Last Girl... they all require me to be closer to the core girls. I miss Last Girl terribly. And I long for long and lazy afternoons with most of Gunner's friends.

And best for last...

Gunner wants me closer. I want her closer. The synergies are appearing. The positive reinforcements are appearing. I need more than one good talk with Mom, and that is a path with its own issues. But Gunner is the reason life is worth living. I'm missing her hugs, her kisses, and falling asleep in her arms.

I love you, Gunner.