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Posted by Gimwinkle on Saturday, October 06 2018 at 8:05:48PM

I wrote this...(had to look it up)... five years ago and, I believe that I posted it here. No, wait, I know I did. I was not posting anywhere else except here.

Anyway, I had been rumaging through my archive of crazy stuff I've written and ran across this. I laughed at my crude writing but thought it might entertain people here.

It should be noted that this is based on the single time in my life that I seriously considered ending my life. And, of course, if you have a couple moments to read this, you'll see that it was heavily cartoonized. Anyway, here is it. Today, you can see the story has a good ending, of a sort. I'm writing this post in 2018, the five years since I wrote the story and... gotta count... gotta get my calculator... geez, over 30 years ago!


Many years ago, in a land a little far away, lived this middle aged woodcarver named Gepetto who was very much actively encountering with his young lover (with an emphasis on young.) He knew what he was doing was very much an ill eagle. Gepetto prayed (to the Blue God Faery that everyone told him could do miracles) hoping for help to stop encountering his young lover, straightening up, and flying right.

Gepetto grew frustrated one day, in that he had simply decided for himself to refuse to give in to the irresistible lure of his young lover's delicate yet addictive charm. As with all magical charms, Gepetto could not resist and, once again, fell into the wild tornado that lust is. She and he encountered one another. And again. And yet again.

The Blue God Faery, Gepetto concluded, was useless. But how to stop himself if the Blue God Faery could (or would) not do it?

Gepetto had been given, years ago, a little magic carpet that he called Remanant and used to fly about town on woodcarver business. The two usually flew about very conservatively but on the day of his orgastical encounters with little Miss Lover, Gepetto hopped on Remanant and commanded the faithful little carpet to fly though the nearby dark forest to help him think.

This way, Gepetto ordered and Remanant obeyed. Faster, Gepetto ordered and, again, Remanant obeyed. Soon, Gepetto and Remanant were blurring past the dark forest’s Hushabuy trees and hobgoblins lurking about but, despite the fun Remanant was having carrying his master on this wild joyride, Gepetto was deep in thought trying to think of ways to escape his lust for his little lover.

Suddenly, in his eager enthusiasm for the blazing antics Gepetto had allowed Remanant to perform, a large Hushabuy tree came perilously close to grabbing both Remanant and Gepetto. Remanant, mad with pleasure of the game, zipped faster and faster, curving ever closer to the grasping trees, laughing at such feeble attempts to stop them.

Gepetto's heart did not flutter at all even though he knew that, should one of the Hushabuy trees ever manage to snatch them, it certainly would be a violent death, perhaps even a fiery one. Yet Gepetto considered: would not a death be a solution to a seemingly impossible escape from his lust for his little lover? Such a death would be quick and painless, as well, and considering that Gepetto would no longer exist, neither would his lust.

Gepetto commanded Remanant to fly straight towards the largest Hushabuy tree ahead as fast as possible. Remanant poured his heart into the magical wind and struggled to go as fast as he could. The rushing and howling winds began raging into a roar as magic carpet and woodcarver sped towards the massive Hushabuy tree ahead knotting up its limbs in anticipation of the fight.

Suddenly, Remanant knew that if they continued as they were, they would smash into that evil tree, a thought that surely was scarey. "Gepetto!" Remanant hollered up to him, "turn NOW?"


A moment passed and the hurricane force blast of winds screeched past the two and the Hushabuy tree shrieked its anger at the blurred streak slicing towards it.



Death. Was it the cessation of existence or was there self-awareness afterwards? Did Gepetto have any thoughts of Mrs. Gepetto's grief at the loss of her husband? No. Did Gepetto have any thoughts of little Miss Lover's grief at losing her lover? No. Gepetto wanted control over his life but, at the same time, wanted the pleasures that the lust in his life brought him and a conscious decision to end his life was one way out of the dichotomy. Easy. Just let Remanant try to take out the gigantic Hushabuy tree. And, as everyone knows, Hushabuy trees cannot be moved, not by magic, not by physics, and certainly not by a silly woodcarver and a tiny magic carpet.

Remanant cried out, "Gepetto!!!!!!"

Inches from the clawing branches of that colossal Hushabuy tree, Gepetto quietly called to Remanant, "Turn."

The Hushabuy tree thundered and thrashed and Remanant strained with all his strength. In the fraction of a second uncountable by the fastest pocket watches of those days, the impact of what was about to happen... didn't.

The shuddering Remanant yelled and whooped in victory, "By Jove, that was awesome!"

Gepetto hung his head, tears flowing past his ears as the winds subsided. "Dammit," he complained.

"What? That wasn't close enough for you, master?" Remanant gasped.

Gepetto did not reply.

They flew on in silence and drifted past an open meadow, some solitary Flutterbuys, and eventually over the Great Dismal Swamp. Remanant was puzzled by his master's gloom and unhappiness.

Finally, with a sigh, Gepetto whispered, "Home, please."

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