Like I should just fucking show up.

Do something, anything.

Say something, anything.

But I know I can't.

It's not the way.

It wouldn't be safe or good for her.

For me, there are two paths:

My family decides to grow the fuck up, or I reach out to her privately.

And it's going to be one or the other - whichever comes first.

They're being complete assholes to me, but deep down I know that anything that I'm capable of doing to force the situation is wrong.

And as much as a significant part of me just doesn't care right now, more of me does.

I could never risk hurting her to be with her - she always understood that.

Meanwhile, if she wants to see me enough then she can make it happen.

Granted, she doesn't know what the situation is.

But neither do I, really.

I love her to death.

But not selfishly.

So as unnecessary and miserable as our separation is, and as much as I despise some of our family for it, it's not my place at all to be acting like I'm trying to get back something that's supposed to belong to me.

You feel?

At the end of the day, it's her call to make - just as it always was.

Eventually I'll reach.

But I was never trying to cause a disaster, and that's not a point I intend to give up.

What I'm doing is nothing other than what the guy she fell in love with would do.

~ RBL