Ultimately, you do you.

If your masturbation has taken over your life to such an extent, then you're in the right to try and take back control! Don't give up. There are lots of places on the web you can look at to help with an intervention like that. I would seek non-MAP-specific advice from those communities - not because your fellow MAPs aren't here for you, but because the problem you're having isn't really MAP-specific. You're not alone in this. Many men, young, old, and in-between, struggle at some time or other with the excesses of porn/stimulus --> fap --> orgasm --> repeat. Depending on the degree of excess, it can be a really negative influence - like pretty much any other addiction.

It's true you've had your work cut out for you since pretty much day one, so just don't feel guilty or ashamed that you seem to be struggling in this way. We all have our struggles. Just don't allow your struggle to make you feel ashamed of your orientation. As you said, you've had your fair share of sweet girl moments, and privately masturbating to some mental snapshots later does not make you a bad person, any more so than it would if you were masturbating to some mental snapshot of a woman you had a crush on at the office. But, if that fantasy caused your relationship with said woman to become charged with anxiety and discomfort, you might want to reconsider your behaviour - either that or whatever psychology is generating the anxiety and discomfort. And it seems you've got it all covered... but just be more kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up over that recurring impulse to touch your dick while letting your mind's eye run wild. It's something everyone does, and it's not actually a problem in and of itself Just the excess part, and you should only consider it an excess because it's hurting the rest of your life, and not by any arbitrary standards.

I believe you can change your mindset, with the right approach, and bring a sense of balance into your life.

Personally, when I'm having a lot of positive interactions with girls, I tend to masturbate much less; because my emotional, social, non-sexual needs are being consistently met (or consistently enough), I don't need the sensory indulgence of regular masturbation. However, in a period of time where girls are infrequently appearing in my life and especially if I'm not getting to interact much on those occasions, I am much more likely to have a more active and more intense fantasy life.

Unfortunately, M has become my primary raison d'etre. Consequently, any pursuit of intimate relationships or meaningful sources of livelihood has taken a distant back seat.

Are you sure it's not the other way around, my friend?

~ Rainbowloom