that told me being a good unmarried Christian likely wasn't in the cards.

"Ignore your biological imperatives for something other humans say is the meaning of life."

Sure, okay. Can you think up something we're even MORE likely to fail at and feel terrible for than our own human programming?

Age has brought a much lower libido, but legal and clothed Lacey still challenges me, with nothing more than her vibrant eyes.

It's her fault. I never like them that young. DARN YOU, LACEY!

Drink coffee every day. Your prostate will be fine.