I want to explain more but I am afraid of making things worse. I feel terrible about all this. I need this board, it has become an important part of my life.

While it still seems a little dubious, honestly, you also seem a bit worried, so I'll chalk it up somewhere in the mistaken, wrong, or otherwise not persistent malicious intent category. And most things in the not-persistent-malicious-intent category are okay sooner or later...

Take care of yourself...