I went to sleep thinking of you, I woke up thinking of you.

I feel more connected to you now than I have all year.

Like we're back on the same wavelength after all that time.

I want to believe that you stood up for us, that you read everything I've written about you, that our family is at LAST starting to come around to the idea that you are my Renesmee and I am your Jakob.

But I'm also scared to really believe it... because it might not be true and I can't handle this next Christmas alone (i.e., live through it), and that goes double if I have to face the disappointment of expecting to see you but not.

Yet if I don't expect, it might not happen for lack of willpower.

I NEED you NOW. I have no choice but to keep believing and praying. Is this world sadistic, or did our love shine through? Those are the only two ways I see. I must pretend the former is not possible, even though it could be.

Strong and beautiful. That's everything I can see in you narrowed down to a couple simple words. If you're strong and beautiful, and you chose with the others to see me drown... then what am I?

~ Loom