...that is inevitably awaiting me.

Even now I often feel very empty, and then the emptiness will be much worse.

Where will it lead to? Will I drink more? No, because I don't allow myself to do so. Will I exercise less and try to destroy myself that way? No, I will walk 65 minutes six days a week.

Of course the void will be filled later, but it takes time.

And what use is this whining? I am tired of whining.

The only thing that I know is that I should have been born in the Middle Ages, when people died younger.