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LoL

Posted by Gimwinkle on Monday, October 28 2019 at 9:29:21PM
In reply to Hold on! Something just ain't right! posted by RedViolin on Monday, October 28 2019 at 3:26:00PM

Ha ha. Yeah, you're right. I was just trying to be funny. Actually, though, my family physician is a pretty (adult) girl. And happily married.

There is this one woman, in her late 40's that I think is kind of pretty and (definitely) Chinese and I do technical computer work for her job quite a lot. We've been sailing together before and, occasionally, she stays overnight on the boat during the summer. As much as I'm sure she's trying to seduce me, and as much as I would love to spend some quality time with her, I know the same lack of "turn on" will happen just as it does with my wife. That part of my sexuality (being mostly heterosexual) demands that I have some sort of encounter (with my loving wife, or this other Chinese girl.) Unfortunately, whenever I have been in a physical relationship with my wife, there was no sexual passion and the love muscle eventually figures out that I'm not doing what the the pedosexual part of me requires. The, "What-the-fuck-are-we-fucking" alarm goes off and the love muscle replies, "Emergency stop! I'm done here. I'm cancelling the launch."

Mrs. Gimwinkle tried her best to be a good wife for crazy me, but I always get the cancelled launch after about a few minutes of workout.

And, now, for the really, really strange part of my sexuality. Years ago, with my little lover, the only thing of a sexual nature that was going on between us was me pleasuring Her. Never had I wanted to "dip the pen in the inkwell" so to speak. One day, several weeks after my oral indiscretions with Her and She had discovered the Mt Everest of all human emotions, I inadvertently (hell, I'm not sure why I said what I said) indicated that I wanted to make love to Her. Of course, She had no idea what I meant other than it might be something that feels as good as what I had been doing for Her orally. Well, maybe kids at school might have given Her an idea. But that wasn't what stopped me.

There She was, ready for my love, and my heart was pounding like a steel wrecking ball against the inside of my chest. Some kind of electrical switch got turned off and I just knelt between Her welcoming reach. My god, I was looking at the most beautiful creature ever to exist. And I had no sexual desire to do what I had just indicated that I wanted to do. She was going to let me have full and loving intercourse and I just plain didn't want Her to. It wasn't because it would have been illegal. I wasn't because I felt that She didn't want me. It wasn't because I knew that popping Her cherry would have been a bit uncomfortable for Her. My problem was that I just didn't want to fuck. Anyone.

I don't think anyone on the face of the earth understands any of this. Hell, it's happening to me and even I don't understand it. I can't be a good husband. I can't be a good casual lover to anyone. I can't even be rapist. I definitely AM a heterosexual pedophile in the strict sense of the word: I am sexually aroused by little girls. I just don't want penis-in-vagina sex.

If this revelation disqualifies me to share forum posts with everyone here, I understand. I am just not a good pedophile. Even psychiatrists and psychologists and sex offender group therapy members can't understand me. If there was a god, even he/she/it could never be able to understand me.

Finally, don't worry about me. I'm happy with whatever insanity that courses through the dusty hallways of my brain. I don't ask why any more.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.





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