The possibility of a sexual relationship with a child dwindles with time.

Once, when I was naive and reckless, I gave a schoolboy walking on the side of the road a ride home. Dropped him off at the curb opposite his house. As he got out of my car I asked him not to tell his parents that I gave him a lift. He was no doubt puzzled by my request, but nodded shyly and said 'okay'.

After, I wondered if he did infact keep our brief moment together from his parents as he agreed to. I became obsessed with whether my actions were for the better. What gave me the right to concern myself with a child I am not related to, or even acquainted with? My emotions cycled wildly from paranoia to guilt for the next few days.

My point is this - if the innocuous courtesy of hitching some random boy a ride home lends to causing me so much internal conflict... chances are that I'll never be able to bring myself to do something more severe with a child. Part of me hates this about myself, and I often wish I was more impulsive. I admire people here who are more daring (like GimWinkle) but ofcourse I also deeply regret the consequences some of them had to face because of their actions.

Margin: I composed this a good long while ago, and feel less strongly now. Becoming more aware of my own mortality as I age has made me less nitpicky and more optimistic. Plainly said ... Im increasingly aware that im going to die one day, and therefor give less of a fuck.


When I see someone beautiful,
I tend to stare.
Sorry.