You do have an obsession. I do. Most of us here do. It's actually a biological imperative. (That's a long, deep conversation, but it's true.)

No, you don't want an addiction to heroin. I've seen too many heroin addicted people who were worse off than dead. Once you're on the spike, you just plain don't get rid of it. (You do hear of the occasional person who does, but it's a miracle if they do and they are very, very lucky people who have crawled out of hell usually with a lot of help from a lot of loving people. But their fishhook will always be in them for the rest of their lives.)

If you are addicted to abusive porn (of any kind), they, yes, you should get rid of it all and, if you can, your addiction to it. But, of course, that begs the question: how?

The best thing to do is to transfer your addiction to something that is ethically more acceptable. That IS possible but it will be difficult. And, it takes a long time and persistence. (I know this part is going to be controversial but...) Keep your offensive porn for now. Give yourself permission to "crawl in bed with it." For now. Do not go after new sources. Learn to be happy with what you have already. NEVER EVER NEVER share. Lock what you have behind Veracrypt. Then, make a promise with yourself that you will... WILL... find something that is close but ethically better than what you have. Slowly force yourself to slide in that direction. Take your time but be persistent. Eventually, you'll see that you CAN survive (addiction-wise) with the new way of being addicted. Then, and only then, when you do have an outlet for your biological imperative, get rid of the unethical stuff and never go back.

I was addicted to being with little girls and, many years ago, I went to prison for a long time because of society's rage. I was planning on staying in prison because I felt, at the time, that if I got out, I'd only work my way back into their lives and so something that (a) would be very disagreeable with society but (b) and more importantly, would end up hurting my little lovers. (Again, that's a long, deep conversation, but society will hurt them as it did with my Little Lover.) Slowly, over the course of a year or so, I learned that I could be addiction-happy with just images. I worked hard at accepting just images. And, today, I am exclusively active with only images. I am lucky, I believe, in that the images that I want, and have, are completely legal. But, that is just me. (I'm weird in my addiction.) Yes, I would LOVE to become sexually involved with a little lover again, but I know that, if I do and we get caught somehow (which is inevitable), She will get hurt by society, too. Prison doesn't scare me at all. Knowing that She will be emotionally hurt by "us" becoming known publicly, does scare me and because of that, I can stay exclusively with my imaginary lovers.

Deleting all your porn repetitively is a common habit with many people I've met here and in prison. It's a classic symptom of the split in personalities where there is your desire for something KNOWN to you to be wrong and your willingness to give in to it. Eventually, you tire of knowing it's wrong, you make a New Year's resolution, expecting for it to be permanent. Yet, in February, there's that little innocent twinge at seeing something fantastic and, oops, by March, you're right back into the thick of it all again. Then in June, you start the cycle all over again.

But, when you have an ethical addiction, something you know that your heart tells you it's ethical, then you can stick with it for the rest of your life.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.