It really sucks being me right now choosing to post all these types of very specific questions in one go and then having to deal with the consequences of my actions. I didn't really want it to be this way, but I figured I would take the risk by just doing it (think Nike shoe slogan -swoosh!) and seeing what happens. There is definitely more as to why I have done it this way however.

I'd like to say right now that I have felt like giving up 'hope' myself, only I seriously have nothing better to do with my life than to think about and study children in the way that I am doing - which is too easy to do alone (though it is very fun and insightful at times). I have spent hundreds of dollars on books (with no idea what to spend my money on next that is worthy to me otherwise), been through dozens of books from local libraries, and downloaded (older) pro-MAP books not found in publication anymore, though simply talking to people about what is on my mind has so much more meaning and value. It's hard being a MAP, and it's even harder to be a MAP while wanting to talk about children in a way that actually has less to do with prurient child-adults interests, as I'd like to keep all that as separate as possible. As much as I'd like to just talk about the fun stuff, there is so much more to life than what they can do with their genitals, ETC. I feel and think I am running out of time to make sense of certain things that deal with children, as there is so much to know, so much to do to get answers. What brings me here and posting everything at once is because I actually knew this would happen - I just basically needed to prove it to myself, and then move on, as there is so little time to do so much. If people respond - great! If not - so what! I will get over everything in due time and resume my own work in solitude. I'm too sensitive to the world... even on the internet... it's easier to work alone .

As you may have noticed I have also posted these questions on BC, even though I'm not a boy lover at all. I am a lover of cute little girls -and- I have a special interest in children in general, like I mentioned. Only 1 out of 7 (total) people who have responded on BC have answered the questions so far -which actually means a lot to me considering how desperate I have been wanting to discuss my ideas with others. Over a month ago I sent these questions privately to Tom O'Carroll and he said he might answer to them later, though overall would probably be too busy. I swear... if he alone provided feedback, I might never have even posted these questions here like I have. Figures like him are like goldmines of information... but he declined, as he is getting old himself, and wants to fight the good fight his own way. Much I could say about that, but I accept everything as hard as it is. I will fight and work my own way too. Maybe if I do the right things, I'll have something great to show for myself in the end. To me this is just another endeavor like making all kinds of art, music/noise, bodybuilding, learning how to cook, creating my own philosophy, learning all about drugs, learning about politics and culture, appreciating architecture and imagining my own, learning how to write.... but now, I am trying to put everything I have ever learned together, and all the directions point to CHILDREN being the most important thing of all. This is what people don't understand. It's sad. All I want at least is to be understood and sympathized with, but alas, the world is decaying, and most everyone has lost their minds in a pivotal time in history. Either we will make it, or we won't. It's up to the children. Children are the answer.