For some reason I listened to Alye Parusa, and I began to experience feelings that were too strong. I don't want to feel any strong feelings. This bottomless nocturnal boredom is better.

Why cannot I find one immense, ingenious idea that binds everything together and solves all problems and raises my story to the second or third power? Quite a long time ago I found an idea that caused two months' anxiety, so I knew it was good and came from some deep place.

Sometimes I feel that none of my new ideas are as good as my old ideas, but luckily I know it is just an illusion.

So -- frustration and boredom. They are better than any strong feelings.