I feel like I was in that place when I joined that you are now.

I don't believe in God, but one thing I know from having read the bible is pedophilia is not mentioned as some special case. Paul who murdered whole families was redeemed. This was at a time where murder was actually worse than rape unlike these times. So essentially the bible was saying there that there is nothing you can't come back from.

If you trust the bible as well then it also says that all good things come from God. So if you are experiencing kindness than that would be from him.
Also if the bible is true there are far worse people than you in heaven. Don't be so hard on yourself.

As I tell myself. Always follow the little rays of light and sunshine. They must lead to whatever is creating them after all.