All I had to do was scroll to page 1420 of girlchat.

https://annabelleigh.net/messages/509908.htm

The grammar is atrocious. Sorry about that. However, I still feel the same lost sense some 14 years later. Boy did I make a go of it trying to recollect myself. I have had 3 relationships since. One of them over a decade and somewhat successful, but the later 2 extremely toxic with poorly selected materialistic partners that used me for money. (Were both aged 19 when I met them.) I guess I was trying to find someone I had at least a little sexual attraction to. I didn't understand the cost it would come at.