to Tyrone Slothrop

Years ago I told you in an email that I wish I would get a terminal cancer so that -- I could to use oxycodone!

Times have changed. Now I have a cancer, though nobody has told me so far that this is terminal.

And I am using oxycodone, and to my PLEASANT surprise I have noticed that oxycodone does not make me high.

In small doses it does not cause euphoria at all. And the larger doses -- it does not cause euphoria either, just a violent vomiting reaction.

I am very lucky that I can use oxycodone without fearing that I must relapse into drinking or substance abuse. I simply cannot live with pains, I cannot sleep, I cannot walk, I can't even stand sitting position anymore. One problem is enough, cancer, I don't need another problem, falling back into old habits, because they would kill me too and besides they would cause indescribable mental suffering before death.

How are you?