What a coincidence.

My Ex-wife and I had the same age-difference as he and you ( 12yrs.) And we married at about the same ages you are now.

When I met Julia, I knew she had 2 daughters ( then 9 and 13.) I fell in love with Julia first through a long period of correspondence. When we began dating, I got a chance to meet the girls. I began to fall in love with Ellen; the youngest.

There the difference ends. I had my choices in how to relate to Ellen. And I chose to relate first as her Mom's BF, then as Step-parent and finally as her Mom's Ex. Even though I was more Deputy Dawg than a Sheriff, I still played a role supporting the girls, maintaining the house rules in their Mother's absence and occasionally taking their side when Julia was being unreasonable.

I think that Ellen still views me as a friend. But my choice was to keep my romantic feelings to myself.

Since Julia wasn't willing to open-up on the topic of fantasy, none of these women are aware of my pedophilia.

Well, that's me.

I can't presume to know what you do. But, regardless of his orientation, it doesn't sound like he'd thought out the consequences of his actions. Such recklessness may be the symptom of unresolved internal conflicts. A pedo whose come to terms with his feelings is safer and stabler than someone who is fighting or in denial of their orientation.

Also, if he was using you to gain access to your daughter, then he's a user. Everyone deserves to be loved for who they are, rather than as a means to something else.

Examine your feelings and your daughter's. If she feels unharmed, and if you can find love for him, untinged by desperation in a calm moment, then maybe its possible to proceed.

But put the girl first. Know that there are others who will love you for who you are and be willing to join the family you already have.

Dante