Todd, you really can't blame yourself for the loss of Melanie. Your description of her entire persona made me realize just how special she was. A two-headed snowman? Only the most awesome and creative of girls - which is saying a lot, considering how naturally creative girls tend to be on average - could come up with that. Not to mention the uber-adorable message she left to you via the inventive means of hole-poking in paper. No doubt I would have fallen totally in love with this girl myself.

But your attraction base is different from mine, and like all attraction bases, it's not your fault that you developed it. It was no fault of your own that you were unable to love Melanie in the way she wanted and needed. It also wasn't her fault in any way that she bonded with you as she did. These things happen, and when severe emotional problems like bipolar disorder are thrown into the mix, the results can be tragic for reasons that are really no fault of anyone at all.

Did Melanie ever seek professional help for her bipolar disorder? If she chose not to do this, then she effectively chose not to attempt to alleviate the symptoms that ultimately led her down the path to suicide. That, too, wasn't your fault. I can understand that much of her unusual personality traits was part of her charm, as great creativity is a component of the same genetic package that can make someone prone to mental illness like bipolar condition. Not surprising she had natural talent for writing and illustration.

You didn't let her down, Todd. I know that you tried to love her in the way she wanted, but couldn't for no fault of your own. And there is no doubt here that you did love her as a person. But you had difficulties due to emotional problems too, and this may have caused you to fail to realize the extent of Melanie's feelings at times; or maybe you did on some deep level, and it scared you, possibly contributing to your panic attacks. You didn't know how to deal with the situation, and it may have overwhelmed you.

It's also not your fault that you didn't see the note, and the unique way she expressed it to you, prior to her taking her life.

Not all mistakes and errors in judgments are our fault, Todd. Nothing you ever did could hurt her as much as she hurt you and every other person who cared about her by taking her own life. I never met her personally, but just from your description, I find myself extremely saddened by the loss, especially since I can tell by your words what a gem she truly was. No wonder you were in awe of her; I would have been too. But ultimately, it's not your fault that she failed to see how valuable and awe-inspiring she truly was, and that her emotional problems were as severe as they were.

Thank you for coming to us about this. You know we'll be there for you.