I wish the subject line was an exaggeration, but it's not. And it constitutes yet another inexplicable encounter I had with a prepubescent girl that not only puzzled me, but this time left me a bit unsettled. And this time it was a seven-year-old girl, not a toddler, and I'll call her Jennie. This one was also over the phone; thank the gods it didn't occur in person, because that may have been too much even for me.

A few days ago, I was talking to a female friend in her 20s whom I'll call Renee. In fact, the terror I was about to receive was mostly courtesy of her machinations, and for her own personal amusement. And provided much amusement for Jennie at my expense too, it seems.

I was having a regular talk with Renee, who happened to be babysitting Jennie, who is her cousin. Jennie refused to leave Renee alone during our conversation, and refused to abide by any distractions from the convo, including suggestions that she go watch a movie, play video games, etc. I felt that maybe Renee was being a bit too brusque with Jennie, who clearly just wanted her attention, and I told her that she should perhaps go easier on her. That was a mistake.

Renee then told me, "Oh really? Let's see you deal with her then. Jennie, here, talk to [Dissident]..."

Before I could object, Jennie had taken the phone from Renee, and she proceeded to... well, terrorize me! I'm sorry, but no other words are more apt for what this little girl was about to subject me to.

Right away she told me the following, in a very firm manner: "I'm a pretty princess, and I demand that you give me a unicorn this instant! [emphasis her's, not mine!]"

Okay, before someone on the board asks me why I didn't simply smile, talk to her for a few minutes, and give her a bit of attention, I did politely try to do just that.

But she still wouldn't give the phone back to Renee, nor would she let up with her demands! She relentlessly insisted that I give her a unicorn, and would not let me go until I did. She knew it was an impossible demand, and I think she deliberately made that demand so I couldn't escape from this situation. And Renee was no help, because I could clearly hear her in the background at times laughing her ass off as Jennie got so relentless with her demands that I began displaying visible distress at trying very hard to politely request that Jennie return the phone to Renee.

But she refused to desist in her request! She kept demanding a unicorn, insisting she deserved no less, and pretending that I was refusing to give this mythological creature to her rather than being unable to! This was clearly to provide an "excuse" not to relent on badgering me. And the fact it was clearly amusing Renee so much to see me apparently learn the hard way how difficult Jennie was to deal with only distressed me more.

Moreover, it was very clear to me that Jennie was having a good time subjecting me to all of this. At one point, she actually threatened to lock Renee in the bathroom and not let her out until I produced a unicorn for her! I'm not making this up!

So finally, the conversation ended thusly:

Jennie: "Give me my unicorn this instant or Renee gets stuck in the bathroom!"

Me: "Okay, okay, please just tell Renee I'll talk to her later, 'cause I have to go now, okay, Jennie?"

Jennie: "No! You go nowhere until I get my unicorn!"

Me: "...so nice to meet you, but I gotta go now, take care, bye." *click!*

A few minutes later, a smug Renee called me back and said, "There, so how do you like dealing with her now? Are you gonna defend her again when I try to get her to leave me alone during a phone conversation?" I felt I had no choice but to apologize to Renee and recant my previous sympathy for her admonishment of Jennie.

Geez! What did I do to deserve that? Especially since I had previously defended her from Renee's admonishment! This is why I'm glad my preference lies with somewhat older girls!