Re: Help me please

I can relate to these feelings quite well.
I had a similar experience when I found GC, a great place to vent, finding like-minded people and the such. Then I realized that I was thinking about being a GL much more frequently, and began wondering if GC was helping or hindering.
In retrospect, I realize that it does indeed help, by allowing me to keep these feelings near the surface rather than deep down inside somewhere where they can fester and manifest themselves in unexpected ways.
There is really no simple answer here, the frustration is indeed difficult to cope with, maybe you should try to re-channel that frustration and energy into something constructive. While secondary achievement will not totally satisfy the primary desire, it can certainly alleviate tension, as well as help improve one's feelings of self worth.

Bereshith