thank you + brief GM

To Dissident and everyone else who has expressed their thoughts so eloquently. I feel a little less crazy right now. A lot of what you all say makes sense. This is not the first time I've felt this way. It has just been a long time since it felt so intense. Another way or maybe exactly the way you suggest, Dissident, I think I just need to get a life. You got me to thinking and I really have nothing going on in my life right now. It has been those times when I was working on projects that I cared about that these feelings, although still there, were just not so important. To indulge or not to indulge in girlwatching. There seems to be opposing points of view on that one. I think both have merit. I think if you tell yourself not to think of pink elephants.... I also think that pushing myself to do something I care about, other than the 'have-to-dos' I think the intensity will lessen, but I also think that if I forbid myself from even looking, it will only serve to intensify the feelings.

I actually went to the gym for the first time in like four years in an attempt to give myself more energy and work off some of the frustration. UNELIEVEABLE!!! as apprently school must be out. There was this amazing tight bodied very petite teen girl who had to be like 16 (club rules) but looked not a day over 13. She was wearing a black spandex work-out outfit and she had a hard flat stomach with a cute little diamond belly button pin in her button. A very girly little exposed waist, a frim heart shaped bottom and the most adorable little bumps. She had long dark hair and piercingly dark brown eyes. All I can say is - heart - throat - cold sweat and a heroic attempt to not let my eyes pop out of my head and extremely grateful that spandex for men is not in vogue.