Re: Help me please

Hi, Strawberry,

Much of the reason we often feel so "obsessed," my friend, is largely because, as you alluded in your post, our attraction cannot be taken anywhere. No attraction we have for a child or tween/teen (as the case may be) can lead anywhere in today's legal and political climate. As a result, the mere sight of a girl in your AOA will bring goosebumps to your skin and beads of sweat to your brow, because these sightings are, for the most part, the only kind of "contact" you can ever have with a girl in today's society. I enjoy going to multi-age concerts, the beach, and amusement parks in part because I enjoy admiring all of the beautiful tween and teen girls who regularly hang out at these places, much moreso then most men who are SAA go to these places to view scantily-clad women in their 30's. Is this because, as a hebephile, my sexual desires are "more intense" then those of a SAA man? Actually, I believe that quite the reverse is the case. However, a SAA man can have an open relationship, including hand-holding, romancing, sexual contact, etc., with a same age woman, in private, so seeing random women in his AOA in various places generally does not hold the same degree of excitement for him that merely seeing a girl in our AOA would for us, because unlike him, visual "contact" from afar is generally ALL that we can have, so this is why we look forward so much to every single sighting, or go to places so often to increase the possibility of a sighting. When loving from afar is all you can do, then it's just as important to us as having an actual romantically and sexually fulfilling relationship would be to a SAAA.

Remember, this does not mean that you're necessarily becoming compulsive...it is simply a great but very human yearning for something that you cannot fulfill, and admiring these girls in a purely visual sense, and at a great distance, is the only pleasure you can currently have regarding a romantic liasion with them...and there are some people that believe you should be arrested for simply doing that!!

Also, there are times that other interests in our lives (e.g., professional, hobbies, personal, etc.) take precedence, so our romantic lives (or lack thereof, as the case may be) can seem less important to us at periodic intervals. However, when our natural, and generally unfulilled, romantic/sexual desires come to the fore, as they inevitably do (as we ARE human), it can seem very "obsessive" to us in its intensity, when in reality it's simply our hormones forcing us to make up for lost time. The less of something you can have, the more important to you it will seem. And since in our case, "less" actually translates into none, it seems that much more potent when it hits us.

I don't think you need to take time off from GC, IMO, Strawberry...I think you can use all the support and guidance that you can possibly have at times like these, and you can always count on your community to pull you through the hard times involving your GL, because we are very often the only people in your life who can directly empathize with you, let alone sympathize:) When I had that embarrassing incident involving the 12 year old girl who I harmlessly flirted with last summer, GC was the only place I felt comfortable coming to for support to make me feel better...no other people in my life would have been as sympathetic.

Your friend,

--Dissident