Once again I think

Hi Diss,

Once again I think you've blown this "manipulation by a young girl" thing totally out of proportion. Here's a couple of points that might show why I don't feel manipulated here:

1) S has only lived with this family for about 8 months and I met her very shortly after that. She hasn't had the time with them to be "used" to the mum doing anything and I feel confident in saying that this is the first time theres been a major event between her and this family. Perhaps she's always kept a diary and just continued to do so when she moved into the new home or something like that. And once the parents have found one thing they're going to be extra suspicious and will make extra effort to "check up on her".

2) S is 11, almost 12, but she isn't as "teen-like" as some girls her age. You know as well as I do that as well as the tweens who are well developed mentally and socially etc there are an equal number who are more like little girls in their thoughts and actions. S falls into this category. The best word I could think of to describe her is "naive". I'm still not sure what she percieves the danger to be and whether she even realised I could be in serious trouble. Her wariness has always been based on the possibility that her parents would find out rather than a general concern for keeping our relationship secret. She's no "vamp". She's not emotionally mature enought for that.

3) Where do you get the impression that "my love won't be reciprocated"? She is the most loving affectionate girl I have known and that has been part of the problem - the fact that she thinks nothing of standing next to me at every opportunity and that she has been very "forward" with regards to pursuing my affection. Telling me she thinks of me all the time and making cards declaring that for me show that this love is far from unrequited.

4) The whole letter thing was totally my fault. It was several months ago I gave it to her, it might have been with her Christmas card I'm not sure. But it was definitely before the parents showed any sign of getting involved and so my danger warning beacon wasn't up and running completely. She could never have managed to contact me without her parents knowing and I should have known that but I gave it to her anyway. That was the only letter I've given her, except for a card at Xmas and Valentines Day so it wasn't as if she had a lot to hide. One search through her room would likely yield all these things, probably hidden together somewhere. I also think this might have happened a while ago and that, while the dad has been reluctant to do anything, the mum has really been nagging at him to do something. If she doesn't percieve his actions this week to be satisfactory then she'll continue to pester and I can look forward to more trouble next week. Even more than the regular parent, this woman has a penchant for sticking her nose in things and at one point her interfering almost got the group closed down altogether! She won't stop until she's satisfied.

5) This "lovesick puppy routine" is largely irrelevant at the moment since I haven't seen her since last time you and I spoke in chat. If I'm lucky enough and she does go to the meeting next week it will be three weeks since we last saw each other. She isn't just using me for attention when I'm around as on a number of times shes told me shes "stayed up late at night thinking about (me)" or "talked about (me) all day at school with her best friend". The card she was making for me apparently contained "I miss you loads and loads" or something to that effect and I'm sure its genuine. If she's lying (which I don't believe for a second) then the entire relationship has been a total farce!

Even if I suspend my emotions for a while and think rationally, I would still find myself convinced that the relationship could go somewhere, at least without the interfering parents. The only thing that my emotions have done is caused me to make some VERY silly mistakes that I'm sure I won't be making ever again. They haven't ever clouded my judgement as to S's true nature, of that I'm sure.
I'm very tempted to continue to see her, but just suspend the letters and "out of scouts" contact. As AP says below, splitting up with her is only going to hurt her unnecessarily. We could continue to love each other but make it much more covert than we have before. She really does mean that much to me that I'm willing to risk a lot for her, and once again my emotions are getting ahead of me. But I don't see another opportunity for something this good to arrive in the future. I can't let her go completely, that would be throwing away something great, but I obviously can't keep up whats been going on so far. Ahhhh....what a dilemma!

Thanks for the support anyway mate,
TTFN
Foreverman