Re: That's the problem...

Infinity:

Gross Oversimplification!

If he didn't care about her, he wouldn't have appealed for help!

It's also possible that he married before he himself realized (or admitted to himself) his attraction to kids. I speak from experience on that one, I mean, heaven knows, probably few of us were "raised as pedophiles" so there was probably a time in life that we either didn't recognize it or wouldn't admit it - and unfortunately, some people make life decisions during that time. What you say about not getting involved being the only fair way would be true if it was a perfect world and things happened in a perfect order, but they don't. If it were perfect, it wouldn't even be an issue!

As one who is married and who is *almost* exclusively attracted to children and teens, I'm deep in the middle of the conflicting emotions I know he must feel. THERE ARE NO EASY ANSWERS! It's easy to be noble and sit and suffer in silence and all that jazz - I care about my wife and have not done *many* things which might be better for me because I believe part of marriage is doing all you can to keep the other from suffering. In the long run, though, it's unfair to her.

Cindy, you're right that it will hurt his wife. He should consider her, but he must discover what path is best for him. To do anything else will hurt others eventually.

Inno, there's no way around there being some hurt in life. It's going to hurt her if you choose to be with this girl and not her, it's going to hurt the girl if you spurn her for your wife, it's going to hurt the wife if you play with this girl behind her back, it's going to hurt you to have to make these decisions. May I add that, it's going to hurt your wife if you choose her and don't really mean it - she will sense your unhappiness - it will kill whatever fire there is left in ANY area of the relationship.

I cannot offer any real advice other than to say that, regardless of the comments offered and by whom, I think you know that everyone on this board (the silent and the outspoken) is pulling for you to find a way to reconcile all your emotions and be happy in life. Good Luck, friend.

HPNY