Re: emotional reactions

Thanks very much for your thoughts. You're right, it could only be a 'passing fascination', nothing serious. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's all in my mind. It just annoys me very much when she talks to me about all the stuff he owns, about his amazing large house, about all the stuff he gave her... I believe that, if there is something, it's about money. I know how greedy she can get. Often I thought that she is with me only because of money - I am not rich, but I worked night shifts at cafes and gas stations in my hometown, while going to school during the day. It was all just so that I can take her out somewhere, buy her something nice, etc. But recently I started to think that she is only with me because of the money. I tried to talk to her about it, but I only made her cry: "How can you even think about me like that??". So I dropped it.

As for moving on, I guess you're right (if the thing that's going on is that serious), but I really don't think that I could do it. See, as I said, this is the FIRST time that I'm truly IN LOVE, and I can't see how can I move on since now I think about her 100% of the day (honestly). I know that shit happens, this probably already happened to you, and most of you people, so you know what you're talking about. But you also have to remember what it was like the first time you broke up with someone you love so much (the fear, the rage, suicidal thoughts, etc.). We didn't break up yet, but I feel that it's what's going to happen. And I cannot stand the waiting...

it sounds likely that he is willing to do things that you are afraid to do

Well, he is only willing to do things that I am not able to do - buy her expensive stuff, let her play in the pool in the backyard, etc. He owns some chain of stores, works about 2-3 hours a day and has a monthly income of about $2000 (which is much larger than average $150 income in Serbia).

Anyway, I spoke with Lenore on the phone today, she returned home. She didn't even call me when she got back, but I needed to call her. She didn't bring her cell phone when she was visiting him, though she promised to send me SMS messages while she is there. I asked her did she have a good time. She just said "Yeah, it was great!". I think I will talk to her a bit more when I see her. Which won't be for at least another 2 weeks or even more..... I'm not gonna tell her that she cannot be with the guy, but I have no intention of hiding my feelings about it.

OK, I will make this post just a little longer - one positive thing I remember - when I was at her place few weeks ago, the guy was there almost every day, since his father was in the hospital in the city. I refused to be in the same room with him (ok, not openly, but didn't want to be there), and my LGF spent all the time with me instead with him. I don't know if it means anything, probably not... Cause I know that there is some shit going on. Damn, I'm going into ranting again...

Anyway, if you have read this - thank you; if you didn't - doesn't matter, most of this is written just so that I can get it out of me. Writing down my thoughts really helps me.