flipside

i'm posting this because it was an important lesson to me...

i'm a paedophile. little girls light my fire. it's such a wonderful feeling, being around them, and i'm quite willing to admit that there is frequently an erotic component to this, and sometimes it can be awfully intense.

i have a friend, a man in his fifties, who i've known for years, and whose skills and abilities i sincerely admire. on some levels i consider him my mentor, and there are certain things he does i am fairly sure i could spend most of the rest of my life studying, and still be interested.

but sex is definitely not one of these, and it came as a rather serious shock to discover that he feels much the same way about me as i do about little girls.

ouch...

so these days i'm considering my attraction to little girls in a different light, and now i have a far better reason for staying away from them. maybe i'm interesting to them, and i've certainly had my share of attention, but i'm fairly sure they'd feel as uncomfortable about me as i do about my friend, if they knew what my true feelings were.

for what it's worth, try the experiment?

pick someone you like, but really can't stand the thought of getting naked with, and consider what it would feel like if you knew they were sexually attracted to you.

does s/he really like you, or is s/he more interested in your ass? was that really a hug, or was it something more? what's behind that smile, and does that light in the eyes come from the heart, or somewhere further down? what does it mean if you smile back? in my case - does he really like the noises i make on my guitar, or is there an ulterior motive?

it kinda fucks everything up, and it's terribly confusing.

i'm a paedophile, and that is why there are no kids in my life.

there is one exception to this - introduce me to the little girls who want to get into my pants, and i will fight, tooth and claw, for their right to feel however the fuck they want to feel about me. i've met a few of these already, so this is not just hot air, but i must have that invitation first, and that's why i'm still fighting for my right to exist, in the open, as a paedophile.

that way, i figure, i'm not hiding anything, and they can ask me, if they want, or avoid me, if they prefer, and nobody has to worry about who wants what from whom, or be confused about it.