my favourite GM

...god, in some heaven
whose number is seventeen
dressed you in blue jeans this year
to torment my soul...

-- bill nelson - love is swift arrows

about a year and a half ago i had a rather unpleasant encounter with one of the security guards down at the local mall. a week earlier a friend of mine and myself had been chased off the property by another guard who didn't approve of our busking outside the liquor store. he wouldn't give a reason, acted like i should know exactly what it was about, and this was bothering me, so a week later i approached a different guard to ask for an explanation.

this second fellow, an old man, lit right into me. right there, in front of all the tourists, he called me every name in the book, red in the face and shouting, shaking with anger (or disgust) as he pulled on his gloves, and started waving his fist in my face. i stood my ground, which was a mistake, but i kept my own hands at my sides and gave back as good as i got, verbally.

i don't take kindly to being called a rapist in public. paedophile i can handle, because i'm proud of that, but i've never raped anyone in my life, neither have i abducted or murdered anyone, adult or child, and i couldn't allow such accusations to pass without counter.

he eventually radioed for the cops, who explained that the mall is private property, and the owners have the right to evict anyone they wish, without reason.

great - banned from the mall. this is a small town, and the mall comprises many of the more essential shops, including the local music and electronics store, which is the only place to buy picks and guitar strings and stuff, and at which i'd recently put down a deposit on a keyboard i wanted.

it took about a month's worth of nasty phone calls and emails to the mall manager, but in the end i managed to get the ban lifted. the music store was kind enough to give most of my deposit back in merchandise, but i lost the keyboard, and my demands for an apology from the guard were ignored, although he hasn't worked there since.

since then i've made a point of marching through the place at least daily, and i always make sure to smile at the guards. they won't meet my eyes, and it warms the cockles of my twisted little heart teasing them like that, quoting christopher robin as i go - look at me, bears, i'm walking in all the squares.

so anyway - last week, as i was coming out of the grocery store, right in the center of the mall, essentially, and in full view of the chief security guard, i hear someone calling my name, and this girl... all i can say is she's most awfully special to me... comes up and says hello, asks how i'm doing, and we chatted, briefly...

actually - she talked, and i mumbled, but you gotta understand - she's like starlight to me, and meantime i'm in my scruffiest tramp gear and i'm still wearing yesterday's socks, but anyway...

over her shoulder i can see the guard... first he moves toward us, like he's about to rush up and rescue her, and then he thinks better of that, and goes for his radio instead, like he's gonna holler for backup, and then he thinks better of that too, and eventually he just stands there, glaring.

i'm gonna have such fun with him for the next little while...

there's no point to this story, really, but it's a great joke to me, and even better - she smiled at me. there's no chance in hell i'll get any more than that, but i went from despair (she hates me) to delight in sixty seconds flat, and, like a rocket from a bottle shot free, it's gonna be a while before i get back to earth again.

oh, and ps - i'm cheating - i'm not sure the girl in this story is within any exclusive aoa, but mine only defines the age at which i'm likely to fall in love. i've yet to manage to climb out again, so that's why this still counts as a GM, and the grandest of all, to date, for me.