Hi corus, welcome to the message board.

I was actually thinking about this very same topic just this weekend while I was on a short holiday. At least I think it's the same if I understand your post.

As a few here have said, in the ideal world I would always draw the line at what the girl wants to do and is comfortable with, as far as sexual acts and intimacy go. If she doesn't want to cuddle that day, then don't cuddle. If she does, then cuddle away. But always make sure you're honest and not forcing the issue. If for instance, you grab her and start tickling her out of the blue and there have been times before where she didn't want to be tickled, and she hasn't said she wanted to be tickled this time, then don't do it. That's crossing the "my space" line that sometimes hasn't allowed tickling.

Because you're bigger than her, and older, it's very easy for your will to overcome the girl's will. This doesn't even mean you every intented to control her or "force" her into something. It can happen simply because she feels obligated to make you happy. She might not want to give you a good-bye kiss on the cheek, but if she thinks you'll be unhappy with her or less friendly towards her if she doesn't, then that's pretty much as good as grabbing her and forcing her to kiss your cheek. This is the most difficult thing to avoid and be careful of, because it can happen so easy, especially if there isn't good communication or if your desire for her is so strong. All people want to be loved, especially children, and sadly they are often willing to do things just to hold onto that love. That's why you'll often see kids desperate to stay with parents who beat them black and blue. The only way to keep your relationship from turning into grooming and subtly forceful is to communicate constantly and keep your eyes open for her reactions to things. If she looks uncomfortable with what you're doing or asking, then simply don't do it, or talk to her to figure out what's wrong.

Another thing to keep in mind is why are you having anything to do with the girl? If you're just being friendly and fun because you want to be sexual with her, then yes, you're grooming. If you love her more than anything, and she doesn't feel the same way, but you're trying all sorts of things to get her to love you back, you're likely grooming. Sure, she might be very sexy in a bathing suit, or when she giggles, and you may love hugging her, but unless she wants the intimacy, back off. Be yourself, let her initiate, don't give off the vibe of sexual desperation (if you have it), and always think of her first.

Unfortunately, what grooming really is, and what antis and some others say grooming is are two different things. To them, anyone who is at all attracted to little girls/boys who is remotely friendly to them, is grooming. Totally not true most of the time. But know that this is how some people would see any interaction with a child at all (if you're not a close relative).

And of course follow the laws surrounding child love. Being arrested for or accused of being a child molester, or intending to molest a child is hell for both you and the child involved. Obeying the laws isn't a perfect protection from this, but it's a big help. If you broke the law and someone finds out, pretty much nothing can protect you. But even within the laws you can have very meaningful and loving relationships with little girls. It's hard when you want even more, especially when she really wants more too, but it can still be wonderful and safe.

Ok, that was long... I tend to be very long winded. Probably why I did so well at essays in school ;-). I hope it helps. In summery, sexual grooming is forcing/pushing the girl to do what you want when she doesn't really want to do it. The less your relationship is about sex, and the more it is about love, the better for both of you. And please don't break the laws concerning child love, because it'll only hurt you and her (likely even if no one ever finds out. Guilt, fear, etc.).