Take care of yourself.

The wanting-the-Antis-to-get-it-over-with part is actually a good sign in a strange way. There were days when I was a teen when I wanted oblivion. But I wanted it to have happened already. I didn't want to do it myself. It was a sign that on some level I knew that my "solution" was no solution at all.

Only time helped. Time, and refraining from making such permanent solutions to temporary situations.

Is the Internet evil? Well it certainly is artificial on several levels. This is one of the reasons why, despite the many people I feel friendly towards on GC, I don't think of these relationships the same way.

There's immediacy. But there's also artificially heightened intensity and the opportunity for serious misunderstanding. Relationships online are a lot like those that are forged in the crucible of a film-shoot. Look at all those Hollywood couples who mistook their character's passions for their own, or who mistook proximity for intimacy?

If you can keep it in perspective, it can be an asset. But don't allow anything virtual to define who you really are.

Change happens in small, less dramatic steps.

The road to self-transformation is similarly slow.

And the true epiphanies are the ones which place you in the calm center of a realization; not the ones which lead to despair.

Take care my friend.

Dante