Re: Not so desperate chum ....

Creating a war within ( to not think the thought that one mustn't think ) is a way of creating paralysis, not of fostering morality, nor of promoting better actions. And in fighting such an impossible battle, the thoughts and feelings take on a power they would never have otherwise.

Exactly. I mentioned the girl I babysat tempting me in a post to lee lette. This was not merely a product of my fevered imagination; she really did try to get me involved in her sex games. But it would never have been a problem (by which I mean a real temptation) if I hadn't been struggling to repress who I was. It was the very fact of my denying my sexuality that almost caused me to fail because I was blindsided by this girl. I never expected a child, especially one as young as she was, to behave as she did.

Moreover, I was repressing my sexuality when I was 18 years old, essentially at my peak sex drive. Very bad idea. Very very bad idea. If I had just accepted who I was and realized that it didn't mean I was destined to be a horrific abuser with no self-control like the media told me all pedophiles were, it would never have been problematic for me. I could have rebuffed J's advances easily, told her I couldn't play those games with her, and steered her towards other activities without a second thought, but I didn't have the self-awareness then to accept the truth: that I was indeed attracted to children, but this didn't mean I was destined to be a child-raping monster. So I just barely managed to keep myself from acting on my attractions with J and had to put some distance between myself and J, both psychologically and physically, until I got over her.