It's frustrating though. They're placing an inordinate amount of emphasis on everything that doesn't matter. Like the passive sexual thoughts I might have every so often or the romantic aspect to my feelings. What matters are the things that didn't change: the love, and the friendship. I mean, those things may have changed in that they became stronger and more important over time, but they are the things that were always there and the reason why I care so much. I care more, for other reasons, and that makes it more special but it never actually has an effect on how we treat each other basically, on how much fun we have together, on how much we have in common, on how much we enjoy each other's company and companionship. The romantic aspect is a product of all those things, not the reasoning behind them, and that's what makes it so pure. Sure there's a romantic connection, but honestly I wouldn't even call it a romantic relationship. It's quite different from how most couples are, but in a good way, actually.
At first I was trying to be really patient and kind about it, promising to let them adjust to it at their own pace and whatnot. But since their response was so demonizing to begin with, my tone became more indignant. The plain truth is, it's unfair and was never going to be fair. I was expecting to have to fight to be heard, it's just that I hoped I wouldn't need to.
My angle now is that she deserves to know what happened to me, one way or another. It's inhumane to both of us to erase my presence from her existence without an explanation. Even if it means triggering a criminal investigation, I am willing to take drastic measures to ensure that I succeed in this. I have requested to speak to her father face-to-face the next reasonable opportunity. If I am to be excluded from family events on the basis of this dispute, I will not hesitate to show up unannounced and cause a scene. I am at the point where I don't really have much of a superficial reputation to preserve, so it is likely that any potential fallout from these actions would be of little consequence to my overall situation, especially if the default situation is sustained isolation from those family members whose opinions of me I might be vaguely concerned with.
My current goal is giving her a voice by forcing her involvement so that her feelings on the issue might be taken into account.
My fundamental goal is for the passive acceptance of the significance that this relationship in its purest form does have to us both, with my intended outcome being the preservation of whatever portions are to be deemed acceptable to anyone concerned, with - of course - supervision as necessary.
My long-term goal is to support her happiness and welfare in whichever ways are allowed by her that I am able to provide.