One of the things I found with Beatrice was that it was best not to reify what we had by labeling it.
I can't say that I applied that wisdom at the time.
But I learned that where she was concerned, she needed the freedom to be romantic on some days and to "revert" to mere buddies on others. She needed to try out the notion of "boyfriend" without any necessary permanence. In short, no compass, no chart, no destination; just wherever we happened to be that day in that moment.
Believe me, it was frustrating. I wanted to know where we were going.
I should have been more considerate that for her it was a process, and not the product.
In hindsight, letting others know what we were to each other--when it shifted like sand--was meaningless. As was getting upset when she took a few steps "back."
I'm sorry that you're hurting so badly. Have faith that what she values in you will not be forgotten when others are powerless to restrain her.