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Is it a sexual orientation? [and re: pedo-hate]

Posted by rainbowloom on Tuesday, February 20 2018 at 8:07:17PM

I think the term sexual orientation should be used strictly to refer to which gender one is attracted to.

Yet when I self-advocate, I still find myself using the term to describe pedophilia.

I think pedophilia is just a natural part of human sexuality and whether it's good or bad is very situational.

But if the relationship is pure and then the situation goes bad, who is to blame?

One thing I can say for sure is that the pedo-hate cultural phenomenon does a lot of harm to families as well as individuals.

I was separated from my best friend - a 10-year-old girl - because I expressed that I have developed romantic feelings for her.

The hysterical reactions of others in my family and hers:

I was slandered by the mother of said girl in a series of very angry e-mails.

I've been accused of "damaging" and "breaking" souls and families.

Her family was already unstable but for some reason I am being blamed for the potential separation of spouses too.

I was disowned by my own family for my "attitude" towards the situation. (All I've really done is defend my feelings and my relationship with the girl; I think my family would have me adopt their anger and turn it inward, as if accepting responsibility for their reactions.)

I am now homeless and scrambling to get back on my feet with virtually no support from adult figures who are supposed to be acting in my best interest right now (?).

Others reacting hysterically describe being "torn in half".

All this, and yet I stayed within legal boundaries and even the socially acceptable boundaries and not once were any "lines" crossed. I was totally vigilant in making sure of that at every turn.

All I did was withhold information about my sexuality - that I'm attracted to little girls, tweens, and young teenagers - from the girl's parents. And I did so by the advice of my own parents and siblings, who then turned on me and threatened to accuse me of sexual abuse (!) in the face of ZERO evidence.

And they accuse ME of deceit? Where? How?

Before my romantic feelings came into being, my sexuality was not the concern of the girl's parents, so everyone seemed to agree at the time. I was even made to SWEAR never to come out to them about it, by my own sister.

I should have known it would be this way?

I knew all along?

What are they thinking?!

I don't have omnipotence.

Maybe it should still not be the concern of the girl's parents, and right now I am discovering why that is. (And I made an unfortunate error in pointing that out to them.)

I made an unfortunate error in pointing ANYTHING out to ANYONE.

I was only doing the morally and ethically correct (in my opinion) thing to do upon the apparent development of romantic feelings for me by the girl and my apparent reciprocation of those feelings, and in anticipation or fear that some "lines" may end up blurring as her sexual awareness increases and she makes advances in our relationship to that end, which she has done in the past although (as I said) I was always vigilant in making sure that the lines weren't crossed throughout our time together. (I responded "appropriately".)

There was no option in my eyes other than to make others aware of the feelings as they developed and receive permission in good faith to allow my friendship with the girl to continue, even if with strict monitoring.

But in doing so I wasn't able to place stress the girl's romantic interest, and minimize my own (because that would actually be the more accurate portrayal of what my intentions were), because the girl herself made me SWEAR not to tell anyone of her budding sexuality.

And I wouldn't break the girl's trust.

So I am being basically crucified from every possible angle except my friends who seem to stand by my decisions. (One said: "I think you actually did the most ethical and morally right thing, which is what almost nobody else in the entire world would have done in your situation." Thanks buddy.)

The beautiful relationship between myself and this 10-year-old girl -beautiful according to the girl's own mother - which had an enormous amount of value to each of us is now being thrown out without a second thought. (I'm still hoping there's a second thought.)

I'm being shunned by the girl's family.

I'm being shunned by MY OWN family as well.

Spouses are threatening to separate; everyone is angry, sad, miserable, and suffering; this is truly what hysteria is.

This is what pedo-hate does.

And all things considered, it was a relatively minor episode.

Who is to blame for all of this?

Me for existing?

Me for doing what I can to be a good person in spite of the blessing / curse of having a socially unacceptable interest in young girls, about 1% of which may be sexual in nature at any given time but is never expressed as such except if I, like, masturbate?

Or them, for the way they're choosing to handle it?

It was never a tragedy but they seem hell-bent on making it into one.

And I'm being blamed for the invented tragedy anyway.

I am At A Loss.

And life goes on but just barely.

~ Rainbow

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