definitely not

Again, you are correct all around - except, I hope, about not being able to accept yourself. Not being able to accept your past self, OK - but that should be the incentive to become a better and acceptable future self. No one figures everything out on the first go. No one is strong enough on their first try. Use the memories of these events to become stronger and smarter and better. Be honest with yourself, even if you can not be honest with others. Remember that silence is golden.

Yes, our enemies use circular logic. They say that children will be hurt if you love them, and then they make sure of it by hurting any children that you love, blaming you for their own crimes. Not much help for it in the short term. Once people have talked themselves into believing such nonsense, there is little chance of talking them out of it.

I don't know if they are sadistic, or just narcissistic. To them, children barely seem to exist except as a canvas to write their own identities on. No, you are not selfish to love others. Far from it. Just take care how you go about it.

Much love.