Hello, Rainbowloom. I have read your description of the recent events involving you and your niece, and the sadness ensuing from being outed and the fallout from that. I also went down and read the posts in another thread between you and Trillion (which I had not seen) since it was referenced in this thread.

First of all, my heart feels your grief and sadness acutely, and I am sending out prayers, positive energy -- whatever term you prefer -- for comfort and peace and clarity, as well as the space to grieve.

Secondly, I will say that almost 20 years ago, I had the experience of being "outed" (which is a cruel term, to me, because there is the implication of wrongness and shame in it, which is just another stone in the pile so many are ready to throw at us even when they know nothing -- and don't *want* to know -- about us as individuals or as a group).

I have been fortunate in my life to have had regular contact and special relationships with many LG's (and LB's too, even though my attraction to them isn't anything like it is for LG's), openly, without fear or recrimination by those who know me best.

However, as I said, a number of years ago, a situation arose (not involving any children) in which someone closest to me chose (not out of malice but concern) to interpret my gift of relating to children in a sinister way, and then it cascaded into a horrible situation involving my family, including my own nieces, with whom I always had a special connection (not in the same way your connection with your niece is special to you both, but it was its own thing to us).

I thought my life was ruined, and I felt the weight of despair and hopelessness that one might imagine from such a scenario. It was awful.

It was during those darkest days that I first found Girl Chat many years ago, and I was very active here because I never knew there were others like me (because, honestly, I had the same idea of "pedophiles" as is typical in our society: that they were all perverse and cruel molesters of the innocent, who reveled in harm. It was here that I learned that I was part of "they", and "they" -- we -- aren't like that at all), and it was quite healing to discover a place like this where others understood, and expressed the same thoughts I'd had for many years, but didn't know what to label it.

Unfortunately, I was outed here as well at one time, but that is a different story -- it's one reason I have had several nicks and only show up occasionally, and rarely post anything.

It took some time, but after several years, the people who knew me and loved me came to reaffirm the truth that they always knew: that my love and connection with children was a good thing, and that I could no more hurt someone I loved than they could.

My own relationship with my nieces is still positive and strong and special, and I am fortunate to have other special connections to LG's regularly.

I recently took a trip across the country (US) to visit some people I have known for many years, people whom I first came to know when they were LG's. We still have the special connection we did back then, and now I have special connections with their children as well.

I wrote this probably too-long history mostly to say this: (1) I can relate to much of what you are going through and feeling; (2) things can -- and I believe, for you and your niece, will -- get better, even though it takes time, and it can seem like that's forever when you're grinding through it one day or hour at a time.

I encourage you to talk to people you trust -- here or anywhere else that's a safe space emotionally -- and to keep the lines of communication and connection open. Being around here is what helped me make it through some of the darkest times. (And it's always good to see names I recognize from way back then.)

Be well, Rainbowloom.

Namaste,
Joplin