Hello, Hajduk. I'm not around very much these days, but I read your original post and the follow-up, and it prompted some thoughts.

First of all, thank you for sharing this chapter in what is obviously a long-term and ongoing part of your life and your connection to these LG's. Not having read your previous posts (I'm guessing there have been others, because that's how it came across to me), there is much context that I didn't pick up on, but what I read really touched me, and reminded me of the place that I have been fortunate enough to share in the lives of many LG's (and LB's) over the years, including at present. You are quite blessed to have such a place of love and influence in the lives of these LG's -- and, from how you describe your own approach and thoughts, I believe they are fortunate to have you in their lives as well, even if they seem unaware or dismissive of it at times (even to the point of hurting you).

One paragraph of your follow-up begins:
"I was not, and am not, permissive or soft. I just believe in personhood and in treating minors as persons. I just believe in freedom and will always strive to give minors freedom, so they can be themselves. I believe in consequences as the logical corollary to freedom and as such I will both warn about them, allow them to happen, and be willing to help a girl pick up the pieces when they do. And while I believe in convincing and in teaching, I also believe that prohibitions don't work in preventing behavior; instead they just push it underground, where it is more dangerous . . . ."

There is much wisdom in what you share in those words, and it resonates so much because it is quite similar to my own approach in my interactions with LG's and LB's over the years, particularly when I had a role as a surrogate Dad or significant influence. I also believe (because I have experienced it myself over the past 40 years) that even when the LG's you've written about so poignantly don't seem to grasp what you are doing and the gift you are giving them (or when they do and choose to ignore or even seemingly trample or betray your good intentions), one day they will see it for what it is (as we all see some things clearer in hindsight or from the vantage point of the future), and some of them will thank you if you remain in their lives.

I encourage you not to give up on the LG in whom you have been disappointed and who has been a source of hurt to your heart, even though the conflicts you feel are certainly understandable, and sound like an aspect of grief or feeling of loss to me.

Thanks for sharing part of your journey. I wish you and your young friends all the best of being part of one another's lives.

Namaste,
Joplin