You mention something in your post that I've suddenly been thinking about again lately, Haiduk. I have no idea why.

For all the talk of the importance of being gentle with a much younger girlfriend, occasionally, it once occurred to me, that sometimes the reason they seek out a much older boyfriend is because they want to be pushed more, want someone to be more firm with them that they can't seem to find in someone their own age. And it's not exactly something they are going to be able to tell you. It's something you have to intuit yourself. This isn't to say all or even a majority of girls who like us are seeking this, but there are a percentage who do. It is not to say they wish to be ruthlessly dominated(if they do, then they really have problems beyond our ability to help), but that they are in need of a level of discipline in a relationship and desire for someone to not allow them to either misbehave, or to not try their best out of meekness or insecurity. This is a complicated nuance for a romantic relationship, and it can be a fine line to walk if you have the awareness to notice the need in the first place.

On the one hand, we can let a girl walk all over us because we are trying to be gentle with someone much younger. That's not healthy. On the other hand, we risk showing an oppressive level of control that goes further than what she needs, and then we not only exemplify the very stereotype our haters like to foist upon us, but smother her ability to grow as a person.

As girl lovers, I suspect most of us tend to do the former out of trying to be cautious, so don't be so hard on yourself with regard to seeing in hindsight that she may have needed to be pushed more in working on her self confidence. When the world considers us monstrous predators by default, it's no surprise that we can end up not giving some girls what they needed from us.

Now that she is an adult, would you rather be accused by her of having been cruel and domineering to her, or that you were too mushy or rolled over too easily to the negative parts of her character? Girl lovers know which one they'd choose.