I think you are applying the term "patriarchy" a bit too loosely.
Btw, it's important to note at all times "feminine" and "feminism" are not only unrelated terms, but about as far apart on the spectrum as can be, despite their similar spelling.
Incels... from my limited understanding, they worship the son of that Hollywood guy who killed all those college kids from his BMW in California, calling him a "saint" I believe. Retribution is not looked upon as a lower emotion, but raised on high. First red flag for any sane person.
Yes, trying to define your male identity via any feminist definition is bound to result in an automatic mindfuck, and it's not unintentional. It's a war to many of those who some wish to harmonize with, no matter one's ingratiating intentions. Your haters still want you destroyed whether you adopt their dictates or not. Time will reveal all.
Baldur, you remember me as a staunch leftie. Though wise enough to go Bernie and see Hillary as the fake she was rather early, I have the rest of the Left to thank for changing strategy and excluding straight white males, suddenly opening my eyes to the race division and gender wars that few with any sense of logic or recent history are falling for.