Some girls do listen to authority. They just concede that because Mommy says so, everyone my age is "too young".

That works for most girls who follow the typical pubertal timeline. The interest just is not there or the adverse conditioning is strong enough that she will wait until whenever she stops listening to authority.

Some girls are more attracted to guys who are much older and pursue them relentlessly, or not. Perceived lack of availability is an issue for them, but if there is an availability, they pursue.

Without understanding the (socially imposed) consequences, to be sure.

I doubt my niece thought that by pursuing me, the entire relationship eventually would be cut off, as well as others.

I bet she regrets pursuing me. Hm.

That doesn't seem very fair.

The belief is that I shouldn't have made myself available to her. Well, I didn't - at least not sexually - and it didn't matter.

I didn't have the opportunity to prevent this. Between willing partners, prohibition creates a catch-22. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Hurt her one way, or hurt her another. Inevitable loss, no escape. Unless, of course, I break the rules.

Some girls are just more interested in boys more their own age. Well, let's say "most" because that's probably right.

I actually agree that the group of girls who desire much older guys as partners chronically is small - probably about as small a group as males who are chronically reciprocating. In between, there exists a vast sea of people functioning age-disparate romances which are not so as to be considered pathological, but are still affected by prohibition. Many are likely not aware they are breaking the law, or of the (socially imposed) consequences of doing so. Many end up on the sex offender registry, lives shattered, all because they slept with the wrong willing girl.

Of course a bunch of attempts at stereotyping the narrative also enter the picture at this point, shaming the guy for umpteen different reasons by creating baseless speculations as to why he had the audacity to choose the girl he wanted who also wanted him rather than their imaginary one who happened to be the same age. Of course, always the girl is considered victimized and used for the older guy's senseless carnal pleasures.

This is the same problem prejudice and an overactive protective instinct, fuelled by mass hysteria, leading to victimless crime.

Moreover, when talking about sexuality: we really should NOT be referring to large groups like "girls" and "men" and casting sweeping judgments. You can't do so without prejudice and it isn't relevant.

We should be looking at how prohibition affects individuals, because it's their individual feelings on the line. Groups don't have consensus feelings except when they are self-defining and even then. It doesn't matter how many girls want relationships with guys much older - it matters that relationships like that already exist period, in ways that might in fact be enormously important to the precocious girl (protecting against a suicidal tendency, let's say).

I think Ethan doesn't care very much about THAT girl, unless she changes to fit his ideas about who girls are and how they ought to behave.

At the very least, there needs to be a massive change in attitude and a hard exception clause allowing her to keep him in her life if she so chooses, no prosecution. Sex or no sex; once you love someone enough, Ethan, that becomes the lesser issue and more importantly, her choice.

~ R b l