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Should I, or shouldn’t I?

Posted by Gimwinkle on Thursday, January 24 2019 at 1:12:11PM
In reply to Any advice for an old dog? posted by RedViolin on Wednesday, January 23 2019 at 2:07:46PM

I am old. There are a lot of things in life that I have advice on. But how good that advice is, well, that depends.

You asked a very important question. You are a caring individual. You are an emotional individual. And it’s obvious that you see a need to share some of that emotion that you carry. But, just as there is a danger in crossing the street at a crosswalk, there is a danger in sharing who and what you are with people that would willingly do you harm simply because of the way that they themselves think.

Just to make sure that I am well within the rules, I’m going to add my usual disclaimer. I’ve been here for many years, and every time that I think that something that I write might be a cause for concern, I make sure to add this disclaimer.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.

I’ve seen both sides of the coin when it comes to sharing parts of me with the rest of the world. I have share my life with people who knew everything about me and still accepted me. But have also shared controversial parts of me with people who were not capable of understanding.

Of the 3 wives that I’ve had, all 3 knew me intimately and everything in my history. My 1st wife, in fact, was involved at the time of my… indiscretions. All 3 accepted me. My current wife understands me very well. She knows that I isolate myself from those young people that I would immediately fall in lust for. However, recently, the situation thrust me into a situation where I was but inches away from someone that I found very difficult not to look at. My wife was sitting next to me and she knew how fast my heart was beating. She knew how difficult it was for me to continue appearing as a normal individual. And, fortunately, I managed to emulate a normal individual. But, when we got home, we did have a discussion. Yes, I told her, it was difficult for me. But, because she’s my wife, she understood. We both knew that it was a difficult situation for me to maintain my composure and not open a big can of worms for all the people around me.

That’s not normal. But then, I’m not normal. And because of this, most normal people would find it very difficult to allow me into their lives in any respect. Perhaps, they would actively reject me. And I understand this. I suspect that you understand this as well. Or at least you should.

I have some friends here in this forum that know almost everything about me. But this is here. This is not an open society. And when I say something here, it’s basically preaching to the choir. Do you think I can be as open as I am on this forum on a form about child education and daycare? No, the police would be consulted and I would be thoroughly investigated.

The rule of thumb for us is to stay in the closet. There are a multitude of reasons for us to do so. And is it possible for this change in the near future? In a word, No. But does that mean that you can’t share part of you with other people? Well, you can share. You just have to be exceedingly careful about who you share with. And, since there are people who read this forum who are not like us, people who are actively seeking to hurt people like us, when you do feel like sharing here, you have to do so with the idea of protecting yourself. As I’m sure you have seen, we have rules here regarding what we can say what we can’t say. These rules are in place for a reason. Not because the moderators are just being ass holes. But because they are trying to protect you, me, and the forum itself.

When I first met my wife, I never told her about me nor my past. For a very long time, I just kept it simple. Eventually, as she got to know me better, as I got to know her better, events conspired where I had to choose whether or not to share my history with her. If I wanted us to continue to be together, she had to know everything about me. In my decision-making process, I knew that the chances were pretty good that she would reject me. Keeping that in mind, I wanted her to continue to be in my life so I made the decision to share. Fortunately, she took a couple of days to ponder a relationship with me. Luckily for me, she accepted me. But believe me, it was a one chance in a million that she would do this. My wife is an unusual woman.

What were the chances that I took in sharing such a disastrous history that I have? Well, they the same chances that you have if you ever decide to share parts of your life that people could possibly find unacceptable. This ranges anywhere from, “I don’t ever want to see you again”, to “I’m calling the police!” And, of course, if you’ve not done anything that the police could arrest you for, there’s always the possibility of incipient violence against you anyway in spite of the fact that you’ve not done anything inappropriate. It’s just the way that you think that they would object to. And some people would resort to violence to get their frustrations out.

So, as you can see, there are times when you can share. Anywhere from a passing hint of your philosophy regarding people like us to outright detailed description of how you feel. The hard part is going to be knowing who you can trust and who you should not trust.

My rule of thumb is, if I’m going to share my history with somebody, the moment that I do share, I must be ready to completely divorce myself from that individual. Whether that happens or not, well I’ll just be lucky if such a response is not needed. But, like I said, I have to be ready in case it goes the way that I would not want it to. And this applies to people that I consider a friend as well as people I consider a very close family member or loved one. I guess you could say, “you just never know.” Fortunately, for me, most of the time, I have been accepted.

But I also know of a friend of mine from my past who did share with his family. That didn’t work out very well for him. That was the risk he took.

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