You have really good points. Yes, a judge would have to listen to such a wonderful person. But judges are not real judges; they must obey the powers that be. That's not judging.
But, from all the 12 year olds that I knew, very few would come up with the prose you first posted. Not impossible. Just rare.
Yes, I am 12, and I look 10 in my face, as well as naked.
You gave me a heart attack with that one!